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12 December 2008 @ 08:43 pm
Prompt #133- Round 5 unused prompts  
Title: All bound for Mumuland- Part 3 of 3
Rating: PG-13
Warning/Spoilers:  swearing, /
Characters: Jack, Owen, Toshiko, Suzie, Basil & Sybil Fawlty
Summary: Jack needs to get the team out of Cardiff and some technology needs testing. Set just before the events of Boom Town.
Prompt: written for the Fic exchange unused prompts challenge.
Prompt #133- Fawlty Towers: When the team break down in Torquay on the way to investigate a case, they are forced to stop at the first hotel they can find. Bonus points if Basil finds out the Jack fought in WWII and has to remind everyone yet again “Dont mention the war”.
Comments: The title comes from a song by KLF (Justified and ancient) and idea was provided by the actor who played Owen Harper- in one of the featurettes on the dvd for series one he mentioned reading the script and what he thought the Torchwood vehicle was going to be like before the SUV was born.
Disclaimer:I have no ownership of these or any other character connected with Torchwood or Fawlty Towers I just borrow them for a while

Basil Fawlty peered cautiously around the corner, checking to see if his wife was still manning reception, but there was no one there. Straightening up, he marched confidently towards the door, mumbling something about not being able to get the staff, then looked quickly back to make sure he wasn't being watched.

Satisfied he slipped outside, searching around in  his pockets, he finally pulled out a packet of cigarettes and a box of matches. Glaring at the ice cream van, he lit a cigarette and inhaled deeply, then relaxed against the wall.

Taking a second  drag and savouring the lung full of smoke, something made him look across the car park, just in time to see the van as it morphed into a fire engine.

Basil stared, open mouthed, then promptly dropped his lit cigarette inside the front of his jacket, screaming he clutched at it, desperately trying to stop it from burning him, he danced around in circles until it fell to the floor, then sprinted back into the hotel screaming hysterically.

He was met by his wife, who watched him wearily as he hurtled around yelling. Sybil had learned from years of experience that when he reacted to something this way it was best to just stand and wait for him to calm down, if it seemed unlikely, then as soon as the opportunity arose, she would stamp as  hard as she could on his foot, (that seemed to have a remarkably calming effect on him-quite why, she had no idea!)

“It turned into a fire engine,” he blurted out, grabbing her arm and attempting to pull her towards the door.

Angrily pushing his hand away, she resisted as he grabbed her again, this time more tightly, “Basil! Let GO,” she demanded, then sniffed suspiciously in his direction, “Have you started smoking again?”

“No!” Basil denied indignantly, “I have will power.”

Sybil sighed, “You know what happened last time you went back to smoking, you saw a giant haddock break dancing in the kitchen.”

“No I didn't,” he replied defensively, “It was a kipper,” then finally succeeding in dragging her to the door, pointed triumphantly towards the van and announced, “A fire engine.”

“Really Basil? Where?” she demanded.

“Where? For goodness sake woman! There,” he replied, stridently, pointing.

“It's an ice cream van.”

“Since when did that look like an....” his voice trailed off as he stared across the car park, “But.... but, it was a fire engine.”

“Yes dear, I'm sure it was, a nice big red one, come to put your cigarette out for you,” she murmured, making a beeline for the the bar, she needed a stiff drink-quickly!

Basil stood by the door, confused and baffled, then decided he needed a drink. Two guests passed him, but he barely acknowledged them, mumbling “Fire engine,” at them as  they passed.

Toshiko glanced back, “Do you think he saw something? I could have sworn he said fire engine.”

Suzie shrugged, “If he did, I doubt anyone will believe him.”

“We'll just have to hope it doesn't do it again,” murmured Toshiko, then stared as it began to morph into something else.

“Shit!” Suzie sprinted for the van and managed to get inside just as it changed into a double decker bus, then back to the van.

“That was close,” Toshiko said, climbing in and closing the door.

“It's changed back?” Suzie asked, typing quickly and then glancing towards Tosh.

Toshiko nodded, “Yep, “ than inspected some of the readouts, “It's not looking good!”

“Tell me about it! I'm going to have to stay with it all night and hope I can keep it stable.”

Toshiko glanced at her watch, “We'll do split shifts, I'll come and take over in four hours,” she said, then pushed the door open, “I'll go and let Jack know, anything you want?”

“Plenty of coffee! I need to stay awake.”

* * *

Suzie yawned, then slumped across the foot of the bed, “It's as stable as its ever likely to be.”

Jack nodded, “Any idea what's causing the problem?”

“Only thing I can think of is all this rain, maybe the technology was designed for a dryer climate,” she said, yawning again, “Tosh is staying with it until we're ready to leave, as long as it's monitored there shouldn't be any more problems. We really should get it back to the hub.”

* * *

Toshiko glanced contentedly around her, everything seemed to have settled down now, panic over she thought cheerfully, then stared at two of the displays as the readings began to fluctuate wildly, “Oh Hell!” she murmured, then adjusted her earpiece, “Jack? We've got a problem.”

“Not another one!” He grumbled in response,”What is it this time?”

“It's the rift, it's going critical!”

“How critical?” Jack demanded.

Owen and Suzie were staring at him, waiting nervously to find out what was happening.

“If I can pick it up from here,” Toshiko gulped, “It must be tearing Cardiff apart!”

Jack licked his lips nervously, this was it, Margaret was trying to make her escape, “We'd better get back, see what we can do.”

Owen looked suspiciously at him, he had no doubt that Jack had been waiting for this to happen, he knew what it was and the cause and clearly had no intention of telling them.

“Yeah we should,” he said, his gaze not moving from Jack's face, trying to read his reactions.

Suzie was already heading for the bedroom door, returning to her room to collect together what little they had moved in with.

Jack and Owen stood in silence, neither moving.

“Should I ask what's going on?” Owen enquired, glancing briefly at Jack, then down at the floor.

Turning slightly away from him, Jack said, “Probably not!” Then walked past him.

“You are going to have to tell us one of these days,” Owen said, turning to watch as he walked away.

“Maybe,” he answered, “But not yet,” swung open the door and marched out onto the landing.

“Suzie? You ready?”

“Coming,” Suzie's muffled voice responded.

Owen closed the door, then waited. Jack didn't turn towards him, just said, “You and Suzie get the stuff back into the van, I'll go and settle the bill,” then went hurriedly down the stairs towards reception.

* * *

Sybil Fawlty leaned against the reception desk, she glanced vaguely around the room at random objects, clearly not really listening to the person on the other end of the phone. “Oh I know... well I did say, didn't I?” she murmured, pushing an imaginary piece of hair back into place, “Oh, he is! Four of them, think one might be a doctor or something... well he gave Basil that look... yes I know!”

The sound of footsteps made her look quickly towards the staircase, then in an exaggeratedly loud voice said,  “Yes dear, well must be going, talk to you later,” as she turned away she hissed down the phone, “Yes, it's him,” and hung up quickly, then turned to Jack who was approaching the reception desk and clearly wanting attention.

“I hope everything is satisfactory,” she simpered, then smiled confidently at him.

“Yes, thank you, fine. Unfortunately we are going to have to leave immediately,” Jack's hand moved towards the inside pocket of his coat.

“Oh dear! Well, I hope you'll come back again,” she said, briefly eyeing up the well stuffed wallet, that Jack now held and then reaching for a receipt book.

“Yes, do!” Basil yelled from the kitchen doorway, where he had clearly been following what was happening at the desk.

Glaring at Jack, he started to say something rude, then noticed the wallet.

Standing bolt upright, his hands rubbed together, then he grinned at Jack and began to bow slightly, “Always a friendly, open door at Fawlty Towers,” he grovelled.

Jack murmured something, not looking at him, he was too busy watching Sybil as she wrote out his bill. He had seen the total and already had his wallet open and a wad of banknotes ready before she looked towards him.

“It's okay, keep the change... sorry bit of a rush,” he announced, turning away and almost sprinting for the door.

He didn't see the small scrummage between Basil and his wife over the money- as usual Basil lost.

* * *

Owen drove them back toward Cardiff, Toshiko and Suzie were busy monitoring the power surges coming from the rift, calling out readings and updates to Jack, who slouched in the passenger seat, responding to the information but not really seeming as if he was giving the situation his full attention.

Pulling up at a junction, Owen relaxed a little waiting for the logjam of traffic to thin out.

“So, do we need to divert a little when we get back... or can I just head straight for the hub?” Owen asked, looking straight at Jack.

Jack stared at him, for a  split second he looked alarmed, then recovered quickly and shrugged, “Why would we need to divert?” he countered, innocently.

Owen shrugged, offhandedly, but his gaze was fixed on Jack's face, “No idea, you tell me.”

Jack, sighed, now what? Should he tell them at least some part of what had been happening why they had been away?

Owen's attention suddenly shifted back to the road, he pulled out into a gap in the traffic and then swore loudly as a car swerved wildly around them, “Bloody idiot,” he yelled after it, then stamped on the brake as the car in front was forced to stop quickly so it didn't rear-end the car it was following.

“I don't believe it!” Toshiko stared at the display, then towards Suzie, who shook her head, puzzled, the sound of  urgent typing clicked on until they both stopped at practically the same moment.

“It just stopped,” Suzie said, turning to look in Jack's direction, “One minute it was about to tear everything apart, the next... nothing. What the hell happened?”

“False readings?” suggested Jack, vaguely.

“What, that strong? For so long?” Toshiko shook her head, “No way!”

“Keep monitoring just to be on the safe side,” Jack said, then turning to Owen added, “Might as well slow down and take it easy.”

Owen relaxed and slowed the engine, he could hear the others as they checked readings and discussed what had happened. He glanced towards Jack briefly, then gaze fixed on the road in front said, “So, we can go straight back to the hub now then?”

Jack nodded, and shifted lazily in his seat, “Yep, looks like it.”

“So... you ever going to tell us why we had to be out of Cardiff?” Owen enquired, casually.

Jack yawned and slowly closed his eyes, “Nope,” he murmured back.

Owen sighed, just one more item to add to the growing list of questions that they wanted Jack to answer, but knew that he never would.

Somewhere in the ether a younger Jack was travelling to Raxacoricofallapatorius, to give Margaret her second chance (courtesy of the Doctor). Then all three would travel on to meet a destiny that would change his existence forever more.

The End

adafrogadafrog on December 13th, 2008 02:45 am (UTC)
Great story, thanks.
jocoses on December 13th, 2008 12:45 pm (UTC)
Thank you for reading and commenting :)
(Anonymous) on August 24th, 2010 05:16 am (UTC)
All bound for Mumuland
Really, really funny! I'd forgotten all about Fawlty Towers. Torchwood and Fawlty Towers were very deftly mixed together with all of the characters reading true to their prospective series. Great job! I really enjoyed it!